The Single Struggle

At this moment there are 7 wedding invitations on my bulletin board.  I look at them everyday and 6 days out of 7 the only thing I think is how excited I am for my friends to get to share their lives with the ones they love, but on that 7th day I start the comparison game.  

They say comparison is the thief of joy and they (those who say this) would be correct.  It is when we start focusing on the things in our life that seem to be missing rather than the incredible amount that we have, that we tell ourselves we don't have enough.  That we aren't enough.  That Christ isn't enough.  

That's my struggle.  6 days out of 7, I live this life that is so full of joy I can hardly stand it.  I am so fulfilled in my job, in my family, with my friends, with my God at this stage in my life that the don't haves start to fade, 6 days out of 7.  But it's on that 7th day when I get really lonely and start wondering why I'm not enough.  What do I need to change to find love?  Why hasn't God sent (insert name) into my life?  

But you know what, those 6 days out of 7 are what I am going to put my effort, my attention, my focus on.  Because I have so much more to offer than my insecurities point out that I don't.  I want to strive to live the life that God created me to live and you know what, if He has different plans for me than I do myself, why would I want anything different for myself? 

That is easier said than done, I know.  Trust me, I know.  At almost 24 years old, the southern culture I am surrounded with screams that since I haven't found anyone I will be alone forever.  They are wrong.  I am choosing to believe they are wrong.  But I struggle daily with saying that Christ is enough for me and meaning it.  But maybe, just maybe that is where Christ wants me.  Maybe He knows that I struggle with that and that I also am striving to mean it and He is going to push me until I get there.  I am choosing to find happiness and choosing to see beyond the single struggle into a struggle towards the heart of Christ. 

Challenge: Step Up

For the past month and half or so on Wednesday nights our student ministry team has been challenging our students to step up.  Our goal was to push them to do what they can, with what they have, where they are.  I found that as I was challenging them, I felt a new stirring in myself as well.  

Often times I feel like we limit ourselves because we feel stuck.  We feel as if the resources we have are not enough to make a difference or sometimes like we just don't know where to start.  I can say this because for the past couple months I have felt restless.  I so bad want to make a change around me but I just didn't know what to do or how to start.  Tonight I was challenged to stop waiting around or talking about it and actually take action. 

Tonight we met up for a normal youth time but I had the students separate into 6 teams.  I gave each team $5 and an hour to collect as many cans as possible to be donated to the homeless church in our area.  The adults were allowed to drive but not to help come up with ideas.  I wanted this to be student lead.  As we rushed to our cars the excitement of the competition was fresh and the students were raring to get out of the parking lot and start collecting cans.  After a quick trip to a local grocery store my team decided to go into neighborhoods and start knocking on doors asking for donations.  It warmed my heart to see the high fives between the group when someone said they would give them cans.  

After coming back to the church I was amazed at the combination of what our students had collected. In just an hour, with change to spare, and only 22 people, they had gathered over a hundred different food items to be donated.  It was such a great physical representation that we don't have to have a lot of money, time, or man power to make a difference.  I am so proud to be a part of this student ministry and I am so excited to see how Christ moves us to serve better with the resources we have been given.

Do you want to make a difference in the world?  Stop just talking about it and do something. 

-Rachel

Dear High Schoolers,

photo source:www.annarbor.com

Dear high schoolers,

If I could give you any piece of advice at this stage of your life it would be these two things:
1)Know what you believe
2)Love even when it's hard
You live in a world today that is full of temptation and different beliefs.  They have always been there it's just presenting itself in different ways now.  You live in a world that sometimes you don't understand and that's okay.  One thing that I want you to be aware of is that no matter what you have done, are going through or will go through we have a BIG God who has overcome the WORLD.  He created us, he sees us.

When I was your age I was in church every time the doors were open.  I had heard all the stories and knew the songs by heart and yet my walk and my talk were so shallow I couldn't even fathom what it would be like to dive in and really understand the stuff I was talking about.  I knew everything on the surface but I didn't KNOW what I believed.  I had been spoon fed scripture and morals and beliefs for as long as I could remember and when someone who didn't believe like I did came up and asked a question I would stumble in trying to answer.  So I challenge you to be different.  When you are questioned for your faith don't waiver.  People won't relate to what you are saying about God if you don't really understand it yourself.  You have to know the word because if you know it and live it there will be a difference about you that is undeniable.  As a good friend of mine, Jackie Flake tweeted yesterday, "Discipleship is "follow me as I follow Christ", not "follow Christ as I merely talk about him." You have to walk the talk not just talk the walk.  Maybe that means that when you feel the temptation to get angry or defensive when someone pushes you or challenges your faith that you choose to walk away at that moment for fear that you might do the wrong or say the wrong thing.  It doesn't make you a coward it makes you more like Christ. If you know what you believe then you will also understand that not everyone will believe just like you and you need to respect that.

Christ set the example for us.  He loved even on the cross.  He felt compassion for those who mocked him.  Love is hard to do when people are hard to love.  At church recently we have been talking about loving others and what it takes to do that.  You cannot love someone without knowing them. When you really start to get to know people it changes how you see them.  When you know people you start to feel compassion towards them and you start to gain trust.  Think about the people you trust most in your life.  Those people are the one's that have invested in you, who have chosen to get to know you on a more intimate level and who you will listen to above anyone else in your life.  If you choose to invest in other people's lives the easier it is for you to reach them with the gospel of Christ. Christ's love didn't stop when it was hard, it was all about acceptance, forgiveness and grace.  Stop arguing and start showing people that there is something different about you and that what you believe is the real deal. Love even when it's hard.

I know that life isn't always easy and that sometimes you may feel like others around you don't understand but I want you to know, we care about you.  I want you to feel open to talk and express your opinions even if you are scared to.  Don't forget you are loved and the door is always open.

-Rachel

The Restlessness in Routine

Hey friends!

I absolutely can not believe that it is creeping into October.  These months in the fall are my favorite time of the year.  I love the crisp in the air, the long sleeves and boots you pull out of your closet whether it's really temperature appropriate to wear or not, and the soups you can start eating daily because you finally feel it is cool enough outside for it to be acceptable to eat without being sick.  I love how routine starts to form and I grab my planner and can sit down and have time to think about what my days will look like for a week at a time(yes, I actually have been leaving time for flexibility)(and no Gigi, I haven't scheduled naps although I might need to start again).  But with the school year comes a time to refresh at this point in my life.

The only problem I have found is that I am finding myself restless in the peace.  Don't get me wrong I am a girl that loves a lazy day.  This girl is secretly a little old lady at heart.  However, give me a break and I don't know what to do with myself.  This summer I was home for a solid 3 weeks the whole 3 months.  I was EXHAUSTED but I loved every minute of it (minus about half the time on the cramped charter buses that I swore were a whole lot bigger and more comfy when I was 14, which is strange because I was the same size) anyway, I felt like I was living out my purpose.  I was down for anything.  Now I spend my days back in the town I grew up in loving on tons of people.  I have this awesome job where I get to interact with a few hundred people every week, and I get to invest in some awesome people's lives and yet I feel sometimes that I am not doing enough.  Is it just me or does part of the problem lie in the fact that sometimes we still feel that the more we do the more Jesus will love us and the more we love him.  Let me say first to myself...THAT IS WRONG.

I am reading through Genesis right now, a little bit everyday, trying to soak it all in.  Something that hit me the other day more than it ever had before was that God saw what he created everyday and He knew it was good, and He took the seventh day and rested.  The GOD of the universe that created everything in the whole world looked around at what he had been doing and didn't take the final day of the week to push it even harder to try to look any better, he rested.  He set the precedent, I follow His lead.

So what does that look like in my life?  For me, it's slowly delegating a little more.  It means not trying to gain the approval of man over everything else or thinking that my works can somehow push me farther into heaven.  By His grace I'm going to get there just fine.  It means that I am okay with the times in my life where my calendar is empty and I don't feel that need to fill it.  At the same time, it leaves no excuse for laziness.

Is fall a crazy time for you?  Do you ever feel this way?  I would LOVE to talk to you sometime and take you for coffee.  There is nothing I love more than genuine conversations with friends new and old.

-Rachel

What Haiti Taught Me About Home

Hello friends,

This time last week I was sitting on a patio in Haiti with about 50 other people listening to stories of the day and praising Jesus.  Let me tell you, there is nothing sweeter than hearing Jesus' name sung without abandon by some teenagers that are sold out to serving our Savior.  It blessed my heart every night to hear the stories of how God was working and the cool things they had witnessed throughout the day.

We spent our days loving on kids.  From the time we got to a local church within a small Haitian community the children would come in flocks to play futbol, jump rope or simply to be held.  It was a precious sight watching two people that didn't speak the same language bond in a way that words can't describe.

While in Haiti and upon returning I couldn't shake the feeling that I was learning more about myself and home than I was actually learning about Haiti.  This may sound strange and what I was learning was not about what you would expect.  I didn't come home from Haiti feeling more blessed because of the material possessions I have that I didn't see over there.  Material things are temporary and while they make things easier and more comfortable for sure, it wasn't something I longed for. What I learned about home is to be intentional.

While in Haiti I was extremely intentional with the conversations I had with those who I could communicate with.  I was intentional with my relationships.  I knew one thing was certain that I only had a small amount of time and so despite how I was feeling that day, I made more of an effort.  I also left Haiti wishing I could have had more opportunities to share the gospel.  That left me aching inside because I never leave a day back in the states feeling that way.  I never seem make enough time to really talk to those I know need Jesus.  I hardly ever will try to meet strangers and invite them to church.  So if I wouldn't do that in my everyday life, what makes going to a new place any different?  Why was I so willing and so eager to share my faith when I didn't know a soul?  Is it because I care too much about what people here think?  Is it because I don't care enough about those around me? Tough questions but so important to ask.  The question comes down to this:  Is Jesus the most important thing in my life and if so why would I not want to share Him with everyone I know?

Haiti was a beautiful country filled with beautiful people but Haiti is just like the United States of America in that there are tons of lost people every where you look.  There are tons of opportunities to serve and help those in need.  There are tons of ways to be intentional.

I went expecting to learn about and serve Haiti, I left learning about home and more importantly about HIM.

The Month of Madness!

Hey friends!

I hope all is well where you are.  I just finished up what has probably been the craziest month of my life and I thought for myself and for you guys reading I would digress and give myself the opportunity to reflect on the things I did and learned in the month of June.

I started off the first of the month with a rock...literally.  Around 12:45 a.m. June 1st I admitted myself into the ER with my mother with a severe pain I could immediately identify as a kidney stone.  It had been 8 1/2 years since my first one and I sort of thought I was in the clear.  I thought wrong.  It was an awful night but after 3 hours and some good pain meds they sent me home giving me the hope that I would pass it within the next 12 hours.  Sure enough around 5:30 a.m. I passed the stone and immediately felt relief.  They(those who have experienced both and medical professionals)compare the pain of a kidney stone to that of having a child but really I think it must be better having a kid because at least when the pain is over you have a kid, with a kidney stone you look down at this tiny little rock and go really that is what caused that much pain, I mean literally it is the size of a little pebble.  But I have it in a little cup so if any of you want to see it, feel free to stop by, I'll show it off like a war medal.

A day later I left for Summit Kids Camp in Grove, OK.  This was my second time to go and it is really one of the best experiences.  My role at camp is to help lead worship for the whole camp.  I love my job.  There is nothing that energizes me more than to take out my in-ear monitors and listen to hundreds of kids sing to Jesus and truly mean it.  The innocence and abandonment is breathtaking and humbling.  The theme of the camp was "Story" that God invites us into His story. It was a wonderful experience and I can't wait to go back next year.

The next week I got to spend time at home hanging out with my family and students from church.  I helped take our Community Students from Van Buren to the lake and we had such a great time hanging out, tubing and enjoying the water.  We also have a program going at the church this summer called Apprentice for older students wanting to get deeper in their faith that I get to be a part of as well.  We all took a retreat for one night to Lake Fort Smith and just hung out and got to know each other.  It was such a blast.  If you have not checked out Lake Fort Smith I would highly recommend it.  The cabin's are nice, the scenery is fantastic and the memories you will make will be unforgettable.  Maybe they need to pay me to do a commercial for them haha.  We had a great time and ate enough chocolate chip cookies to last us a couple months.

The 3rd week of June I headed out with Community Students to Panama City Beach for BigStuf Beach Camp.  It was probably one of the best weeks ever.  The message was again about "Story".  I think God was really trying to get that theme in my head this month and honestly it worked.  One of the best things I learned at camp was that we could have a big role, the main role in a story that no one really cares about or sees or we could have a small, supporting role in the biggest story of all time.  It really hit home who's story I was living for and who was in complete control over my life.

The next morning after returning from beach camp that afternoon my family and I packed up and headed to New Orleans for a 7 day Caribbean cruise.  At this point I have to admit I was exhausted.  It was just what I needed to rejuvenate and relax again.  Our first stop was Cozumel, Mexico where we snorkeled and saw some amazing sights including some of the bluest waters and a place called El Cielo (the sky) that had starfish everywhere you looked.  It was awesome.  Our next stop was in Belize where I literally had the best snorkel experience I have ever had.  We snorkeled right on a barrier reef so the reefs were within touch distance from us.  We saw fish of every color and shape.  It always baffles me to think about how creative God is.  The world He created underwater is insanely cool and we can only see a glimpse of it.  The last stop we made was my favorite for sure.  Roatan, Honduras is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  We took a tour of the island and got to learn all about their culture and see places most tourists never get to see.  Our guide Elin Woods (yes she had the same name as Tiger's ex wife and I even asked if it was her real name and it is. She didn't even know who Tiger Woods was) showed us everything about the island and also told us about their lives, what they eat and drink, the herbs they take because no one ever gets sick there hardly and told us about her faith.  Surprisingly Christianity is very prevalent in Roatan.  It almost brought tears to my eyes listening to her sing us her favorite church song.  We also experienced getting to hold spider monkeys and different birds in Roatan.  It was such a good trip and an experience I will hold in my heart forever.

My biggest accomplishment for the month was that I made it through the whole 30 days without a sunburn.  For those of you who aren't pasty white, this is a huge deal for people like me and I am proud to say I am almost a shade darker than white.  As crazy as June was I would go back and do it all over again.  I learned so much about God, about myself and about others.  I am home now for a couple of weeks but I will leave again July 19th for Haiti.  If you think about it please be praying for my team and I as we head over there.  Also be praying for the people we come into contact with that they will be fed the word of God and that they will feel His love for them.

Thanks for being a part of my life,

Rachel

At kids camp having a blast

For those of you who know me, you know this was out of character and yet I loved every second of sliding the mud. 

The lake trip was awesome!!!

Community students headed to Beach Camp at midnight!

Having fun at the beach! 

Have I mentioned how much I love my job and how blessed I am? 

The last night of Beach Camp we had an extra time of worship.  This picture gives me chills just bringing me back to the powerfulness of that moment.  

New Orleans breakfast stop!

Our beautiful ship "The Dream"

Roatan, Honduras

It's Okay to Feel Small

Sometimes it takes being overwhelmed by something so large to feel small.  As I sit on a large ship and look out the window at a body of water that surrounds me on all sides I am completely overtaken with the thought that I am really small compared to the vastness of the ocean.  And yet as completely helpless as that makes me I can't help but draw a comparison to my God.  How great He is makes it ok that I am so small.  It  makes me breathe easier.  Our society is fixated on making ourselves feel bigger than we really are.  We live in the generation of the "selfie" and find our self worth often times in how many facebook likes, twitter retweets or instagram followers we have.  We are self obsessed.  Sometimes it takes unplugging and getting alone with God to find our true self worth.  The self-worth that is possessed in knowing the universe does not revolve around us.  Trust me, I am guilty of acting and thinking this way far to often.  But honestly, I realize more and more daily that I was placed on this earth as a small part of God's story.  It's finding my role and loving the people around me that makes being small so worth it because the big details, the stuff that I can't even comprehend nor do I want to are taken care of by my BIG God.  There is freedom in being small. 

Never Say Never...Job News

Hello friends,

I know it's been a while and I am hoping to change this.  I was in a slump for a couple of months trying to find motivation and inspiration in a time of my life that was challenging.  Since Decemeber I felt like my life was in limbo, not knowing where I would be and when I would be there.  During this time the one thing that stayed consistent was my prayer life and my walk with Christ.

Since I graduated from college my prayers started to change a little and instead of them being "God please help me get this job or that job" it became more of a "Lord, show me what you want me to do, I only want to be where you want me."  I had no idea where this prayer would lead me but I sincerely prayed and trusted that God would provide my needs.  Through praying and listening and Him revealing some pretty cool things to me I can whole heartily say I am where I am suppose to be at this point in my life.

I am finding that God usually uses the things you say you will NEVER do and that is generally where He inserts His sense of humor.  For those who know me well, you might have heard me at one point or another in my life saying I will never be in or marry into ministry or military.  I just knew it wouldn't be the easiest life and to me I thought it would never be for me.  I am learning to just like the Bieb's to never say never.  I will be continuing my job at Community Bible Church Van Buren but stepping into a different role. As of now I will be working directly with children's ministry and worship as well as assisting in the youth ministry.  I have never been more happy in my life or more excited to go to work everyday.

Some might question my move out of my degree platform, to those who question I answer simply, what is hospitality if not examining it's very core.  Hospitality is the art of loving on and serving people.  This is what I get to do daily.  I don't know how long God is going to keep me here but right now, I feel 100% confident I am obeying my call and serving Him.

If you ever want to talk about anything, or go to an amazing church that completely teaches the love and grace of Jesus Christ let me know.  I would absolutely LOVE to save you a seat!

My favorite song right now comes directly from an old hymn called Be Thou My Vision and is really an overall prayer for my life.  These words are my theme:
I don't want riches or man's empty praise, you're my inheritance now and always.  You and You only the first in my heart, high King of Heaven my treasure You are!

Grow Where You're Planted

Photo credit: http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e8/56/70/e8567084097b99de10d3f4b7c8fec9dc.jpg

One of my goals in life is to be a lifelong learner.  For me, I am completely satisfied with my learning being finished inside the classroom but I am still on a journey to absorb as much information as I can from the people I meet, the places I visit, the things I read and even just the environment I am immersed in.  Lately, however, what I am really learning the most about is myself.  

Call it the economy, call it bad luck, but whatever you call it the reality is that I am a part of the epidemic.  I am one of the more than 40% of college graduates without a full time job.  Does that bother me?  Yes, on occasion.  As the first born in my family I put a lot of pressure on myself to set the example.  I always worked really hard in school to make good grades, I hustled in sports to make the team, and I tried to follow all the rules.  It took me months to change my major in college for fear that people would be disappointed that I changed my mind and didn't follow through with my plan.  As I have said before I am an obsessive planner.  So, unfortunately being that kind of person, when I get to feeling sorry for myself for not having a job I immediately think to myself that I am not setting a good example.  But what I am learning is that the little voice pushing me down is not one that is from God or my family, that voice is a lie.  I am learning everyday how to live more and more in the moment.  I am applying for jobs and working back at the church I love during the week.  But something I am learning is that your circumstances are what you make of them.  Grow where you are planted.  Do I get frustrated somedays, sure, but overall I am actually really enjoying this stage of uncertainty more than any other time in my life.  That may sound so strange, heck, it even sounds strange to me but I am at this place 6 days out of 7 where I feel that God is stilling my heart and saying wait, I have great plans even though you can't see them right now.  I have only been out of college for 3 months, and it is ok to not have it all figured out.  It's ok to wonder what's next, but it is also time for me to live for the here and now.  A dream is built with small steps.  

-Rachel 

Flashback: The Day I Auditioned for American Idol

Hey everyone.  Happy 2014!  I hope you have had a great beginning of the new year and have been successful in those pesky resolutions thus far.  My life right now is sort of in limbo as I look for the right "big girl" job after college.  So, what have I been up to?  Not anything exciting enough to share yet but one thing I have enjoyed is getting to relax and spend time with family.  So, the other night while flipping through the channels we stopped on one of our old favorite shows, American Idol.  I haven't seen the show in a few years but with the new judging panel I thought I would give it one more shot.

My first passion in life was singing.  From the time I could talk I was humming and matching pitch.  Growing up in a house where both of my parents sang and loved music, I developed a true love of singing and performing.  So, when American Idol first came on when I was 12 years old, I was absolutely set on the goal that as soon as I was 16 I was going to tryout and become the next American Idol.  (******Spoiler alert*******): I didn't win.  Sorry to ruin that for ya'll.  Back to the story...so in the summer of 2007, I was 16 years old and headed to Dallas with my friend Erin and my mom to try out for the biggest talent competition in America.  When we first got to the old Texas Stadium the day before to register we stood in line for 5 hours just to get a wristband telling us we could go inside the next day.  We were told that if we got it wet that it would be void and I would not be eligible to try out.  Needless to say, we went to extreme measures to stay on top of hygiene and not get that wristband wet including wrapping my wrist in plastic wrap and securing it with rubber bands so tight I thought my circulation was going to get cut off.  Luckily my arm and my wristband survived.  On the audition day we woke up at 2 a.m. got ready and headed back to Texas stadium.  We had been told to be there between 4 a.m. and 6 a.m. and they would open the doors and let everyone in.  When we arrived at 3:45 in the morning we were greeted with a line that stretched nearly halfway around the stadium and was about 30 people deep.  The total count of people auditioning that day was 26,000.  I saw and heard some of the best and worst things of my life as well as some of the most trashy dressing people ever.  I literally almost reached over and buttoned up a girl's shirt next to me.  At 8 a.m. they finally opened up the stadium and we went in for another 5 hour wait.  It was the middle of August and the old Texas stadium was open on the top so needless to say it was a miserably hot day.  When my turn finally came I went in a group of 4 to the 50 yard line and sang my heart out for 30 seconds to 2 producers.  My song of choice was O Happy Day from Sister Act.  One by one we went and then they looked us over and decided we weren't what American Idol thought would make good tv. I literally heard some of the best singers of my life on that field not make it.  With that, they cut our wristband and pointed us out the tunnel.  So, with my head held high I walked out of the stadium the way they showed me only to be out in the parking lot again.  I was literally kicked to the curb.

All in all, it was such a cool experience to be able to remember.  It taught me that there are plenty of great singers that never get a break because they aren't in the right place at the right time.  I also learned that rejection is not always a bad thing.  Rejection can be an experience to grow and fit somewhere else even better.  I still sing, but my dreams have changed as I have gotten older.  Now you can find me jamming out in the car or on most Sunday mornings at Community Bible Church in Van Buren.  I did really enjoy American Idol this week.  It's great to watch now and be able to relate to those trying out.

Getting my wristband to audition! I was so excited!

Erin and I the day of registering.

Let the crowds begin...

Getting bigger...

At this point I was super ready to audition & over half of the crowd had gone so it was almost my turn!

The auditon set up down on the field.

Standing in line waiting to be the next American Idol...

Such a fun experience! Until next time!

Rachel